video } you go and call yourself the boss but we're not robots inside a grid

[monosaccharide]

[The woman appearing on the screen is... very, very pink. Her clothes, her dress, even her skin, they all are just... pink. The only exception is the golden crown and the white lab coat hanging open over her dress.

She gives a cheery smile and a wave.]

Greetings. I am Princess Bubblegum of the Candy Kingdom. While I have numerous complaints about the state of this city and their lack of proper diplomatic care when kidnapping royalty, I actually am contacting you all to correct a misconception I've seen in both the locals and those of us who have been abducted.

There is no way these so-called temples and their thrones are turning you into deities. It's simply not possible on so many levels.

As to why certain natural phenomena don't work until someone has assumed these thrones, there is clearly a scientific explanation and I'll be figuring it out before long. To that end, if anyone who has claimed a throne would like to come in for examination, it would be greatly appreciated.

[She smiles again, nodding her head.]

Thank you for your time!

Comments

[heirtonothing]

Greetings, your highness. I am Queen Zelda of Hyrule.

[ And you, miss, are pink. This is SCIENTIFICALLY FASCINATING. ]

I suppose others are simply more willing to call themselves deities than I am. I would be happy to help you with your research if you don't mind telling me more about this Candy Kingdom.

[monosaccharide]

A pleasure to meet you Queen Zelda. I would he happy to tell you all about the Candy Kingdom. It's one of the oldest, most established Kingdoms in Ooo, you know. I built it all myself.

[heirtonothing]

I'm afraid I've never heard of Ooo. [ But if it involves candy and explains why this woman is pink, she's definitely curious. ]

My own kingdom is ancient, but devastated. Reviving it falls a little outside the limits of my education, I'm ashamed to admit.

[monosaccharide]

It takes time and a lot of effort. Luckily, I am very good at science. I could recreate all the ancient technologies that were lost during the Great Mushroom War.

[heirtonothing]

[ 'Mushroom' is an interesting choice of name for a war. She wonders if it refers to the food or the potential toxin. ]

I'm envious. My people only recently realized just how much ancient technology was lost over the years. What we've found we have no way to reproduce.

[monosaccharide]

Do you have any examples of that technology here? I'd love to take a crack at it myself.

[heirtonothing]

I'm afraid not. Link had the Shiekah Slate when I... left him.

[ Goddess, what must Link think of her disappearance? ]

[monosaccharide]

Link? Who's he?

[Not that it matters that much if he's not here, but she's curious.]

[heirtonothing]

Link is my personal knight.

[ And lone love interest. ]

[monosaccharide]

Ah, I have one of those as well! Finn the Human. He is... young, but very brave.

[He wishes he were her lone love interest but hot vampire ladies.]

[heirtonothing]

Link is my age, even now.

[ All her friends have been dead for a really long time. ]

Are there so few humans in your world?

[11calls]

Wow.

[This seems so familiar.]

You wouldn't happen to be related to Richard Strand, would you?

[monosaccharide]

[She tilts her head, frowning slightly.]

Not that I know of. When did he emerge from the Mother Gum?

[11calls]

Mother Gum? So you're pink because you're made of bubble gum?

[Seriously, and she thinks gods are weird?]

[monosaccharide]

Well, yes. Wouldn't make sense for me to be called Princess Bubblegum if I was made of something else, would it?

[11calls]

Well, where I come from we're not named because of what we come from so it's a little weird for me.

But no, he didn't come from gum.

[Somewhere Strand is probably having a stroke at even the idea.]

[monosaccharide]

Then we can't possibly be related, I'm afraid. Is he a human, then?

[11calls]

He is. Everyone is where I come from. If he were here, he'd say you were impossible.

[monosaccharide]

That's... extremely silly. Why would he say that? I'm not magic or anything. Just a normal candy-based lifeform.

[11calls]

We don't have normal based candy lifeforms in my life world. Candy is just candy. But it's a different world. Just like here.

Different realities have different rules.

[monosaccharide]

Or your world simply has followed a different evolutionary path. I don’t see the conflict.

[11calls]

Yes, so what if this world's evolutionary path was caused by gods and divinity? Aren't you just completely discounting it then by arbitrarily saying it doesn't exist?

Audio

[plasthmatic]

[...Wow. That's all she can process at first: wow. Princess Looneytunes fits right in. Abigail decides she needs to figure out of this chick is just fucking with everyone or if she's 100% on the level with what she's saying.

Well. If she believes she's on the level, anyway. Candy Kingdom? Bullshit.

In the most ostentatious Mrs. Doubtfire voice she can manage:]

Oh, what a relief to finally be in the presence of others of the same station as myself. I am Queen Elizabeth of England. I'm sure you've heard of me.

Audio

[monosaccharide]

[Princess and Queen are not remotely the same station, but Princess Bubblegum politely doesn't say so. Maybe things are different where she's from. What a strange accent.]

I'm afraid I haven't. I didn't know the humans had a queen, but I suppose not much is known of them in general these days.

Audio

[plasthmatic]

[Abigail has a very limited grasp of how class and stations work.

She's just going to keep on keeping on with that accent, though.]

Oh, my, we have many queens. Some of them born to royalty, some simply the most fashionable entertainers you've ever seen.

Audio

[monosaccharide]

We mainly have princesses. I don't know of many queens, but the kings I've met are mostly charlatans at best.

video;

[bastardofipswich]

[ Peeeeering. ]

Are you actually made out of bubblegum?

video;

[monosaccharide]

Obviously. It would be pretty silly to be named after something I'm not, wouldn't it?

[dislikeable]

What kind of examination?

[monosaccharide]

Oh, not an evasive one. I just want to test your DNA and see if there's anything that's changed. [She frowns slightly.] It'd be even better if I could get some DNA from someone before they sit on the throne and after, but no one's being remotely scientific in how they go about this.

assuming you meant 'invasive', will edit otherwise

[dislikeable]

❰ ...

...

........ ❱

DNA. That's-... it's genetics, right? ❰ she knows about genetically engineered mutts, but that's the closest her capitol-sponsored education brought her to complex biology.

at least she's trying? ❱

oops yes I did

[monosaccharide]

Yes, of course. The building blocks of all life. If you're as human as you look, a bit of blood would do the trick, or some hair.

[dislikeable]

You can have blood.

❰ katniss didn't expect to be, but she finds herself weirdly protective of her braid. ❱