duskofthegods

[Of course it's audio instead of video. Abigail's not giving you guys a free show. Cam girl? More like spam girl.]

You know, I don't even care who kidnapped me. It's such a fucking non-surprise, it went all the way around to being a surprise again, because I'm surprised whoever it was didn't mug me, too. Maybe steal my fucking kidneys and leave me in a bathtub full of ice.

That's how not surprised I am that this bullshit happens to me. Doesn't just kidnap me, but abandons me in a weird city with nowhere to stay and a bunch of religious whackjobs bowing down to a bunch of the least charismatic cult leaders I've ever seen.

Hey. Who do I have to kill to talk to Jesus about feeding and sheltering the homeless?

Hey JESUS ARE YOU THERE, BUDDY?

[Some serious vocal fry when she shouts into the speaker there.]

Hey, who wants to tell me where I'm supposed to get my transfusions? There's a great question for you. You know what happens if I don't get a weekly fix? That's right, ladies and gentlemen, this bitch is gonna die.

[Wow Abigail u mad?]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

No god of bathtubs.

[ Because that was clearly the most important aspect of the post. ]

...The fuck.

[Excuse her, she forgot about the bathtub part of her rant.]

Or that either.

Edited 2018-01-08 17:20 (UTC)

Shit, I must have called the Loony Line.

You know how Nicholson puts it: Sell crazy someplace else. We're all stocked up here.

It's a closed circuit system.

Why do you need transfusions?

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plasthmatic - 2018-01-21 20:13 (UTC) - Expand

You won't die. Time isn't moving.

At worst, you'll suffer indefinitely, withering and near death.

[ HE'S. HELPING. ]

Edited 2018-01-08 18:00 (UTC)

[She actually reads his text out loud before responding properly.]

Golly, thanks Mister. I feel so much better now!

[A beat.]

You have to be a dude. That's a hell of a 'well, actually'.

[ EYEROLLLLLLL. ]

You're welcome.

So hey, while you're offering me a better view of my situation, I guess you're not going to tell me something useful? Like a fucking solution?

I'd assume a hospital.

[Pauuuuuse.]

I don't know if you're trying to be helpful or shitty here, but I'm not walking into a hospital and asking for a blood bag. You have to go to a blood bank in D.C. if you don't have a private donor.

It can't be both?

[ You weren't very specific, man. ]

You could always go the rough and tumble route.

[ Please don't make her explicitly advise you to kidnap a doctor and rob a hospital. ]

You're shitting me, right? I can't afford a private donor. I can't even afford food.

[Is this girl that privileged or just...completely...]

Uh. Back up. All the way to, "Hi, friend." What would you say if I said I've got Type 2 Renfield's?

[Because most people get very, very crappy about it. She's heard some ugly shit.]

[ Yes that is why she recommends THEFT. Just... not explicitly! Because stealing is bad. ]

Um... Gesundheit, probably?

[ It isn't a disease she's ever heard of, but if it requires transfusions it's probably bad, right? ]

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ichoosefight - 2018-01-10 22:09 (UTC) - Expand

Blood transfusions?

Did I stutter?

[Abigail, this is not the way to get people to help you.]

[Oh Abigail you are lucky that Alex practically has two PHds from Yale in dealing with assholes at this point.]

But you consider them a fix?

[ HERE, enjoy a terrible teenager in his black, slightly-less-empty TEMPLE OF DEATH. There may be a priest painting some kind of... skull mural... in the background. ]

You're gonna die? Oh, man...

If only there was somebody who was in charge of death here...

[She stares him down for a full half minute, taking in this 90s goth music video scene.]

Did Hot Topic decorate that temple for you, or are you doing double duty as the God of Marylin Manson's Dying Career?

Okay, so, you just listed two very cool things, and I'm not seeing the problem here...

...Oh my god, you're serious.

Who are you? What century shit you out?

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bastardofipswich - 2018-01-10 22:55 (UTC) - Expand

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plasthmatic - 2018-01-10 23:03 (UTC) - Expand

Oh, thank fuck, someone sane.

What, are there people here who wanted to kidnapped?

People here seem just delighted to be in a place where anybody can lead a fucking cult.

Not to be that guy, but actually, it's not a cult if it's sanctioned by the majority.

And there are a bunch of million dollar words right there for you, fuck-o.

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